Letter to my wife

Melinda,


I was just sitting her thinking and I just have to get this out. First off, no matter what I say to anyone or how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, I still love you, I always will. I am sorry for everything I did to you and I know I can never make them up to you no matter how hard I try. I am no saint and you are no angel, we both made very big mistakes, and I was hoping we could get over those and try to rebuild our family. I have told a couple of people that we are getting a divorce and they kinda get on my case when I still call you my wife, they say i need to refer to you as my ex, but those words are like bile when I say them. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth and it is jut not two words I want to string together. I never ever wanted to refer to you as my "ex-wife", I want to refer to you as my wife and friend. I know you don't love me anymore and my depression, and bi-polar was a big strain on our marriage, but I just can't get you out my head. I still see your smile when I go to sleep and I love seeing you in the mornings. I really want to start waking up next to you again because that was the only place I felt safe. I am not looking forward to the day you tell me you have met someone else, that is going to be hard to take, but I figure I come up with a way to get over it one way or another. There is always a way to get over things, may not always be the best way but there is. All I want is for you and the girls to be happy, I want to be there to see the happiness but I know it won't be with me and the girls are going to forget about me once you meet someone new and I will just have to hope you will email me pictures of them so I can see them. I know these words won't have any bearing on changing your mind about the divorce, but I just had to get them out.

I love you more than you will ever know and I'm sorry

Tony