Scared

I am scared right now . I have tried to keep myself busy for most of the day but I have seem to run out of things to do so I watched Dexter and now I have a college football game on. I seem to turn to sports, I suppose its better than turning to alcohol, that is the last thing I need right now. I called one of my friends at the hospital , whom I think I am bothering, but it was nice to hear a voice that knows what I am going through and is consoling. I think a lot of it is I am just so used to them all being there, now that they aren't it freaks me out. I am sure that feeling will go away soon, they all keep reassuring me that we wont lose touch, but i have been told that before and I have always been abandoned. Jazzy and Katie seem very sincere when they say it, so I hope this time is different. I wish I could have pets at my apartment, just to have another living thing in here, but with as little as I am at home, a pet may not be such a good idea. I wish I had people like Jasmines mom who went and spent time with her cat so it wouldn't get lonely. I wish I had someone who would just pop in to see how I am doing, but that is probably asking way too much. Maybe one day I will find the right person.